Since it is currently 0030 ( that is half past midnight for those that aren't from lab land) and the hamster in my brain is spinning at mach speed due to the hefty dose of steroid this afternoon I decided to start on my next blog post.
And, now that my brain has started to function a little better I may actually start posting on a more regular basis. We'll see.
Baking is not early as fun when you can't lick the bowl. For the record my neutrophil count was 1.3 on Wednesday so I could get my chemo but that also means my neuts are still dropping during treatment. So, raw eggs raw still banned:(
I also decided tonight (watch out for those steroids they induce deep thoughts. Ha ha vintage SNL - or at least my vintage, I don't actually know when Jack Handy first popped up) that the occasional micro meltdown I have been having is a complete waste of my time. Yes, I admit it, I have definitely had some micro meltdowns and a couple super duper ones, but what can you expect, I was 36 and diagnosed with a stage 4 cancer. Not exactly something to go out and celebrate by doing the can-can!
(if there are any incoherent sentences or random jibber in those post i apologize. Orchid is being helpful by sitting on my lap and trying to walk all over the keyboard)
Anyway, back to the whole waste of time thing. Really, at this point there is no reason to spend a lot of time dwelling on the maybes or what ifs or whatever else a person is supposed to dwell on while having a meltdown. The next step in my future depends on the results of the chemo treatments I'm currently on and then the radiation that follows. Why bother stressing now when I have no idea what the end result of the treatments will be.
Once I have the results of my next pet scan, which will likely happen after chemo is complete, then I can decide if there is a reason to freak out. My energy is low enough right now why waste any of it on something that isn't even finished yet?
Next up, my radiation consult.
You have many women, myself included, who have gone through this, and hear you loud and clear. Woulda, coulda, shoulda doesn't really have much place in this treatment. It just is, so going forward, one treatment at a time, one test at a time is about all you can positively do.
ReplyDeleteWishing you great success,
Bev from Pender